fierystage asked:How do you view femme non-binaries? I’m FAAB and identify as an androgyne, but my presentation is somewhat fluid and sometimes I do genuinely feel more femme. For example, it’s been a lifelong dream of mine to grow my hair really long, since I’ve never had it past my shoulders. However, I realize that doing so will make me even more misgendered than I am now, but I don’t want to suppress my feminine side since it’s just as real and strong as my masculine side; although I feel like FAAB nonbinaries have to be more masculine in order to be taken seriously, grrrr. Any advice?
I hate the assumption that one cannot be femme if one is trying for an androgynous look, as it involves the male-as-default patriarchal norm that puts “female” as the marked Other. The fact that clothing is gendered has always seemed odd to me, and especially annoying that there’s a double standard wherein the clothes marked male can be worn by anyone but the clothes marked female are only for some. It’ll take time before femme presentation stops leading to the assumption of femaleness, but I feel it’s possible with time and challenging gender norms. Personally, I wish there were more femme non-binaries to change the male-leaning androgyne look.
In any case, as for advice, I say go for growing out your hair if you want to. After all, you can put it up in a hat or otherwise out of sight if you want to hide it for whatever reason. Presentation-wise, my ideal and reality are a bit at odds, but I say dress however you want and just be yourself; society will still gender you wrongly, most likely, but forcing yourself to conform to a look that isn’t you just to not be read as female is somewhat counterproductive. It’s definitely not easy to bear peoples’ misconceptions about gender, though I’ve found that as long as I’m comfortable in my presentation people are less inclined to question me or make assumptions. I feel that unless people start challenging the default (FAAB -> masculine, MAAB -> feminine) then nothing will change, so by all means go for what you want.
For the record, I mix and match with my clothing and accessories, wearing a few femme things and a few masculine things, and though my hair is buzzed now I’ve had it past my shoulders a few times, and when I got tired of being gendered female I just tucked my hair under a hoodie or hat.